I want to go home

After what seemed like an eternity, it was over.  The surgery went as planned, and Christopher was doing well.  We were told that he would be in recovery for an hour or so, and that we would be able to reunite with him back in his hospital room.  My heart leaped for joy in my chest!  It was over.  He would recover, and it was over.  I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

We went back to his hospital room to wait for him.  I hated the sound of that, "his hospital room".  Babies aren't supposed to have a hospital room.  They aren't supposed to get horrible illnesses, and they most certainly aren't supposed to have surgery.  Oh well, at least it was over.  Just a few more days in this room, and then we would be going back home to the way life was supposed to be. 

Mike and Christopher

Tick tock, tick tock.  Hasn't it been an hour yet?  Finally, they bring him in.  He looks so small, so pathetic.  They put the IV in his head!  Apparently babies have great veins in their heads, but it looks so awful, so wrong!  He is still so sleepy. 

My husband and I are exhausted but relieved.  This was all so unexpected, but at least it's over.  I look around the room.  We are sharing this room with three other "little people".  Like us, two of them will go home with their parents to a normal life, but one of them will not.  He is chronically ill.  This will not be his last time here.  It's obvious that his parents are well aware of this.  I can't help but wonder what it must be like for them.  My problem is solved, but theirs is just beginning.  I can't imagine being a "regular" in this place.  I am so thankful that's not us, that's not Christopher!

The doctor tells us that Christopher will have to stay a few days to recover, and then he will be released to go home.  I can hardly wait.  "Home" is the only place I want to be right now.  I want to take my baby and go home, back to normal- back to the circus.  Suddenly, the circus sounds perfect.  It sounds right.  I know it's total chaos, but I can hardly wait to get back there. 

I miss Michael and Ryan.  They are staying with my sister, and she is taking excellent care of them.  I appreciate her help, but I'm supposed to be the one taking excellent care of them.  I know Michael is happy as a clam.  He is having a grand old time at "Auntie's" house. They love her.  She always makes things so much fun for them.  Does he even miss me at all?  My mind flashes to Ryan.  He is my "little shadow".  He follows me everywhere.  I never have to wonder where he is.  All I have to do is look down, and there he is.  I chuckle inside my head because it occurs to me that walking has been "lighter" the last couple of days without him attached to my leg.  I wonder if he is okay.  He is just too little to understand all this.  Well, at least we will be home soon.


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More tomorrow...