If this is a bad dream, wake me up!

The x-ray they had taken of Christopher's abdomen did not offer any clues about what was going on inside of him, so we were taken to the CT lab to get more definitive pictures.  This turned out to be the worst  nightmare of my life!!!  I was really wishing that all of this was just some horrible dream.  I just wanted to wake up, and have it all go away.  That was not to be.

This is a CT machine.

In order to get clear CT pictures, the patient has to hold very still.  Just try telling that to a critically ill 4 month old infant.  Let's just say, he wasn't very cooperative, so after a few tries they decided to sedate him.  It sounded like a good idea to me.  It would keep him from feeling any pain, and the technician would be able to get better pictures.

What is that they say about "best laid plans?"  This plan definitely didn't go like it was supposed to.  Believe it or not, the sedation didn't work.  He was still awake, and it really annoyed the doctor when I asked him if he had given Christopher enough.  The doctor told me that he had given him the maximum dosage for his size.  He couldn't give him anymore.  We were just going to have to get the best pictures that we could.

The "new" plan went like this.  They put protective gear on me.  Then I was supposed to hold him down while soothing him with a song, or words, or something.  I didn't think my singing voice would do anything to soothe him, so I just talked to him.  I practically had to get in the machine with him.  In retrospect, maybe I should have laid on the gurney and set him on top of me.  It probably would have worked better because this is where things got real ugly!

The CT room was packed with doctors, nurses, and technicians.  This was "breaking news" at the hospital that night, and everybody wanted in on the action.  My mom and sister were not allowed in.  They had to wait out in the hall, but they could hear all the screaming.

This is a "typical" CT scan of the abdomen.

I'm not talking about the screaming coming out of Christopher.  He was just moaning at this point.  No, actually it was one of the doctors who was screaming at me!  I wasn't having a lot of success at getting Christopher to hold still.  I was keeping his top half still, but his legs were flailing all around.  The doctor was yelling at me to hold his *#@&* (curse words) legs still.  I yelled back that I was trying, but I had left my "cartoon arms" at home.  I didn't have super stretchy arms that could reach that far into the machine.  I told him to quit yelling at me.  I was doing the best I could.

Then it went from bad to much worse!  Christopher was hooked up to machines that monitored his breathing and heart rate.  If there was a problem, the machines would alarm.  I think Christopher was at the breaking point, and this whole CT business just pushed him over the edge.  Every time they put him in the machine, the alarms went crazy.  They had to pull him out of the machine, resuscitate him, and start over.  It was like a scene out of a horror movie or something.  Picture it.  They put him in the CT machine, his heart and breathing stop, and then they pull him back out until they get his heart and lungs going again.  This didn't just happen once.  We kept hitting "rewind and play" on this nightmare over and over again. 

It was an ugly scene to say the least.  The tension in the room was thick.  Everybody was on edge.  This was a life or death situation, and everybody knew it.  Mistakes had already been made, and nobody wanted to make another one.  Emotions were running on high, so there was a lot of yelling and cursing.  We needed to figure this out and fast, or this little boy was going to die.  He was clinging to life, and nobody even knew why. 

I know angels were among us!

I wasn't crying.  I wasn't even yelling...much.  I just felt numb.  The whole thing was so surreal, and I just couldn't believe what was going on around me.  The one thing that I was sure of was that healing angels were all around us, caring for Christopher and keeping him alive.  I know that God was definitely there too.  I felt carried.  I know He carried both of us!

If you have never accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, you can pray like this:

More tomorrow...