|"Eating" through a tube...it's not much fun, but it gets the job done!|
Because I have always loved eating, I grieved for the fact that Christopher was unable to enjoy all the flavors, smells, and textures of food. Eating is such a big part of life. Think about it. Every event, every holiday, every social get together usually revolves around food. It's the first thing you think about when planning a party, business meeting, or vacation. Should we have coffee, donuts, or coffee and donuts (I vote for coffee AND donuts). Should we cook or go out (I vote go out)? Do you feel like Italian, Mexican, or maybe Chinese (depends on the day and my mood)?
Eating is something we do everyday. We can't live with out it, and we wouldn't want to. We spend a lot of time planning it, shopping for it, and cooking it. I am not much of a gourmet chef, but I definitely am a foodie. My husband always marvels at the fact that no matter how unfamiliar the city, I have an uncanny ability to find the best (and usually the most expensive) restaurant in town. It's a gift, a talent I have developed.
|Hang your dinner on here! Bon appetite!|
His "way" of eating was so unsatisfying, so artificial. As I listened to his tube feeding machine deliver the formula into his intestines, I felt sorry for him. I grieved for his loss, and I even felt guilty for being able to drink the coffee and eat the cookie I was holding in my hand. He would never enjoy these things, and here I was eating in front of him!
As bad as not eating sounded, not living sounded worse. I tried to remind myself that he was lucky. He was blessed. If it wasn't for this crazy tube feeding thing, he would be dead. Besides, there are plenty of others things in life that are just as important like family, friends, weddings, parties, vacations, a good movie or book, and the list goes on and on. I just wished that eating was on that list for him.
As I debated with myself, I looked at my son. He was peaceful and content. His incision was healing nicely, and the infection was all but gone. They were still giving him antibiotics as a precaution, but his fever and pain had completely subsided. The tube feedings were progressing, and there was talk of him going home. There's a word that I hadn't let myself think about too much lately, "home."