A roller coaster life

Makes me dizzy just looking at it.

A lot of people love the thrill of a roller coaster ride.  The speed, the sharp turns, the sudden drops, the uncertainty of it all can be exhilarating.  As for me, NO THANKS!  I have never been a fan.  I am a BIG baby when it comes to carnival rides, and I prefer to keep my feet planted securely on the ground.

With Christopher in and out of the hospital it was beginning to feel like we were passengers on a giant roller coaster.  Talk about uncertainty and sudden turns!  One minute things were going fine, and the next minute we were at the emergency room waiting to be admitted to the hospital.  I never knew what a day would bring.  The day might start out great, but it could just as suddenly turn bad.  I would get that feeling in my gut.  You know the one.   The roller coaster is climbing, anxiety is building, and then it crashes downward with incredible force.  The anxiety in your gut is unmistakable and unforgettable.  It was like that with Christopher's illness...up and down, never knowing what the next moment would bring.

The roller coaster ride we were on seemed never ending.  I wanted to get off, but the ride just kept going.  We were back home, but it was hard to say what sudden drop would land us back at the hospital again.  I decided to make the best of it, enjoy the time at home.

Christopher and his cousin, Matt, aren't on a roller coaster ride, but I think they are in for a BUMPY ride just the same.  Hold on tight guys!  The water might be smooth, but the ride certainly won't be.

Besides, I was feeling hopeful.  The opportunity to go to the conference in California was an answer to prayer.  My mind was rehearsing the questions I would ask.  I decided to start making lists of ideas and questions I wanted to present to the international panel of doctors.  I wanted to be prepared.

There was one problem though.  Mike couldn't go.  He had a critical business meeting in Texas that he had to attend, and it was scheduled for the same time as the conference.  I was disappointed, of course, but I knew that he didn't have any choice.  Besides, we had a deal.  He took care of the money, and I took care of the kids.  It's just that "my end of the deal" was feeling kind of heavy.

I decided to make the best of it.  After all, it was winter in Oregon and it had been raining for at least the last 3 months.  I began to daydream about the sunny weather they must surely be having in California.  Okay...this isn't sounding so bad, but I really hated the idea of going by myself.  Then an idea struck.  I could ask my mom to go with me.  We could go to the conference, hang out at the hotel, and maybe do a little shopping.  Now this was sounding like a dream come true.  It was a mini vacation in the sun, and just the prescription I needed for my beleaguered heart.

Plans started coming together.  My mom was very happy to go with me, and my sister volunteered to watch the boys.  Believe me, that was NO small sacrifice.  This time she would be watching all three of them!  The entire circus was coming to her house, including Christopher.  It would be NO small undertaking.  Being the mother of 3 girls she already had a 3 ring circus of her own, but she happily agreed to do it anyway. 

Here we go!

The chance to get answers to help Christopher AND a mini vacation...I thought I must be dreaming, but I would have to put those California dreams on hold for a bit.  The roller coaster was crashing down AGAIN!  What was that strange bump next to Christopher's feeding tube?  It was about the size of a pea, and it was very hard.  There wasn't any redness, but it definitely didn't look right.  I felt his forehead with the back of my hand.  He didn't feel warm, and the thermometer confirmed that he didn't have a fever.  Still, this was not normal for him, and I could tell it was painful to the touch.  He would begin to cry and squirm when I examined it with my fingers.

I started to get that anxious, queasy feeling in my stomach.  I felt like the roller coaster was about to crash down the other side again.  What else could I do?  I called the doctor, loaded the circus in the car, and headed off to the hospital.  Negative thoughts consumed my mind...I hate uncertainty and unpredictability.  This roller coaster ride stinks.  I want off!

If you have never accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, you can pray like this:

More tomorrow...